Dark Triad, Romantic Partner Selection, Dating Advice

New podcast appearance + links and recommendations

You can now watch my recent conversation with Erik Torenberg on Upstream with Erik Torenberg:

Links for Spotify and Apple Podcast.

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Boston Globe

Here’s my latest piece in my regular monthly column at The Boston Globe:

A Gen Z paradox: To influence or not influence?

Excerpt:

A recent large-scale study of more than 1 million subjects led by William Chopik at Michigan State University has found that the desire to stand out or be unique has sharply declined over the past 20 years. Yet at the same time, poll after poll shows that a substantial number of young people list “influencer” or “Youtuber” as their dream job.

How do we reconcile these conflicting trends?

A fascinating new book, “The Social Paradox: Autonomy, Connection, and Why We Need Both to Find Happiness” by William von Hippel, a social psychologist, offers some insight. Drawing from decades of research in social and evolutionary psychology, von Hippel argues that human beings are pulled by two needs: autonomy (our desire to control our own life) and connection (our need to belong). For our hunter-gatherer ancestors, connection took precedence because small, close-knit communities depended on collaboration and mutual trust. Personal freedom in such societies was constrained by interdependent reliance on kin and friends.

[…]

It may sound paradoxical, but this very drive for autonomy actually evolved for social purposes: We strive for personal success in order to be seen as an appealing person to potential romantic partners, friends, and allies. The problem, though, is that we haven’t quite figured out how to reconcile our amplified sense of individualism with our need for warm, enduring connections.

This is true even for highly accomplished people. Von Hippel calls such situations “sad success stories” — situations in which people’s achievements feel hollow because they don’t have a close network of friends or family members to share them with.

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The Best Sleep Upgrade I’ve Ever Had:

I’ve always been skeptical of sleep gadgets, but the Eight Sleep Pod is the real deal. It personalizes the temperature of my bed in real-time, so I get uninterrupted, high-quality sleep.

As far back as I can remember I’ve had difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. I solved the first issue years ago by placing my phone on the other side of the room and reading a book before bed each night until my eyes get tired. Usually I fall asleep within 15 minutes.

But staying asleep remained an issue—until very recently. Many of you are aware that I recently moved to New York. I had to buy a new bed. I went with an Eight Sleep setup. Heard a million ads on podcasts etc. and tuned it all out. Huge mistake on my part. Now I'm mad I didn't get one way sooner. When I used to wake up in the middle of the night, the usual problem was temperature. I’d be too warm, or (less frequently) too cold, and struggle to find a comfortable temperature to fall asleep.

The Eight Sleep Pod fixes that. It adjusts the temperature of the bed automatically. It’s incredible.

I personally bought an Eight Sleep Pod. About two weeks later I learned that one of the Eight Sleep founders follows me on X. I sent a DM mentioning how great the product is and figured I could share my experience here with my readers. I personally use this product literally every night.

The other day I was listening to the All-In Podcast and heard Naval Ravikant say he uses Eight Sleep–it wasn’t an ad, just Naval briefly mentioning his sleep routine. It seems like every third smart person I know has an Eight Sleep setup now. It really is that good.

Why It Works

• The Pod is a high-tech mattress cover that you can easily and quickly add to your existing bed. This cover is packed with advanced technology that allows it to automatically cool, heat, and even elevate.

• Here's why this matters: the Pod has been clinically proven to increase quality sleep by up to one hour each night. That's a massive boost to your recovery time, which can translate to better physical performance, improved cognitive function, and enhanced overall health. Having a Pod is like having a sleep coach, personal thermostat, and advanced fitness tracker all rolled into one.

• The Pod uses precision temperature control to regulate your body's sleep cycles. It can cool down to a chilly 55°F or warm up to 110°F, and it does this separately for each side of the bed. This means you and your partner can each have your ideal sleep temperature.

• The really cool part? The Pod learns your sleep patterns over time and automatically adjusts the temperature throughout the night to optimize each phase of your sleep.

I’ve been using the Pod since last December. My sleep has been noticeably deeper and more restorative. I wake up more refreshed and focused, which makes a real difference in my productivity and overall well-being. If you care about performance—whether in work, fitness, or life in general—this is a serious upgrade.

Exclusive Offer for My Readers

If you want to experience the best sleep of your life, use my code ROBHENDERSON for:

• $350 off the Pod 4 Ultra

• $200 off the Pod 4

Get yours here: www.eightsleep.com/robhenderson/

Your future well-rested self will thank you.

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Links and recommendations:

• “Percent Plans” Undermine Meritocracy in Higher Education by Renu Mukherjee

• The Paradox of Power by Lionel Page

• The Two Big Games by Robin Hanson

• Jerky Men and Crazy Women by Michael Huemer

• 80 Percent of American Politics is Just Who Runs Twitter by Ethan Strauss

• The era of beauty standard brain rot by Mikala Jamison

• Follow me on Instagram here. The platform is less volatile and more chill than Twitter/X, so I post some spicier excerpts from my readings on my IG stories

• You can follow me on TikTok here

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Three interesting findings:

1. A warm childhood tended to inoculate men against future pain. In a study of men who grew up in the inner city and men who graduated from Harvard, the best predictor of a high income was not their parents’ social class but whether their mother had made them feel loved. (source: Aging Well: Surprising Guideposts to a Happier Life from the Landmark Study of Adult Development by George Vaillant

2. For most of the 20th century, the word safety referred almost exclusively to physical well-being. It wasn’t until the late 1980s that the phrase emotional safety began to appear. Between 1985 and 2010, its usage surged—rising by more than 600 percent. (source: The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt).

3. Older adults who score highly on measures of wisdom reported that they applied valuable life lessons gained from previous experiences of coping with adversity when confronted with new crises and obstacles. By contrast, older adults low on wisdom did not appear to have learned any life lessons from past adversity. (source).

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Ask Me Anything:

Post your questions in the comments section below. I’ll usually conclude Rob Henderson’s Office Hours by taking questions from readers. Post your questions in the comments section below and I’ll answer them on my next livestream. You can also ask your question by just responding directly to this email. You can watch my most recent installment of Office Hours here.