Interestingly, in parent-child dynamics status confusion can also lead to violent disequilibrium. Many of my clients seeking services for behavioral challenges are “afraid of their children” which makes them more aggressive and unstable.
To grossly summarize, this is why writers should never marry writers, why dating is so hard for young people now, why we have what we have on campuses. Ambiguity of power dynamics. Fascinating.
Very interesting. I noticed when my dad died that the relationship I had with my mother and two sisters deteriorated pretty rapidly which is perhaps an example of this phenomenon. Also, maybe the reason all of the gang bangers that come out of chaotic home situations wind up killing each other is relevant to this. No hierarchy or respect for hierarchy at home then no hierarchy or respect for hierarchy in the streets. Even when there is a leader of the gang, there's fear of that person, but not respect.
Fascinating and illuminating! Sheds light on many conflicts I've had in my life! A particular example that springs to mind is in same sex friendships where I have, for various reasons, been the more subservient one in the relationship. Then, for various reasons, something shifts for me and I become more assertive and the whole friendship falls apart....
On a tangent, I lament the loss of honorifics in Western society. No doubt reflective of a general increase in the ambiguity of dominance status of parties... For example, let's say my local doctor's name is Simon. Well, I don't feel comfortable calling him Simon, nor Dr Jones (assuming Jones was his surname). So I end up calling my doctor Doctor Simon.... which is well... better than the other two options but still not quite right. I noticed at the reception last time I was at the clinic, that a person probably 20 years older than me, referred to the same doctor as Doctor Jones when speaking to the receptionist.
Rob! Great article. Please write a follow up about how to prevail when locked in a dominance dispute. I saw your insta post about grandstanding bullies/cowards and feel as if there is a link. Dealing with lots of this sort of behavior, stonewalling manipulation, one upsmanship, verbal aggression in my husbands work space as he is destabilizing the hierarchy in his team.
Advice on resolving bullying, manipulation that arises from dominance disputes?
Interestingly, in parent-child dynamics status confusion can also lead to violent disequilibrium. Many of my clients seeking services for behavioral challenges are “afraid of their children” which makes them more aggressive and unstable.
oh good grief!
So much here!
To grossly summarize, this is why writers should never marry writers, why dating is so hard for young people now, why we have what we have on campuses. Ambiguity of power dynamics. Fascinating.
Very interesting. I noticed when my dad died that the relationship I had with my mother and two sisters deteriorated pretty rapidly which is perhaps an example of this phenomenon. Also, maybe the reason all of the gang bangers that come out of chaotic home situations wind up killing each other is relevant to this. No hierarchy or respect for hierarchy at home then no hierarchy or respect for hierarchy in the streets. Even when there is a leader of the gang, there's fear of that person, but not respect.
Should we expect the same dynamics in marriages?
Fascinating and illuminating! Sheds light on many conflicts I've had in my life! A particular example that springs to mind is in same sex friendships where I have, for various reasons, been the more subservient one in the relationship. Then, for various reasons, something shifts for me and I become more assertive and the whole friendship falls apart....
On a tangent, I lament the loss of honorifics in Western society. No doubt reflective of a general increase in the ambiguity of dominance status of parties... For example, let's say my local doctor's name is Simon. Well, I don't feel comfortable calling him Simon, nor Dr Jones (assuming Jones was his surname). So I end up calling my doctor Doctor Simon.... which is well... better than the other two options but still not quite right. I noticed at the reception last time I was at the clinic, that a person probably 20 years older than me, referred to the same doctor as Doctor Jones when speaking to the receptionist.
Rob! Great article. Please write a follow up about how to prevail when locked in a dominance dispute. I saw your insta post about grandstanding bullies/cowards and feel as if there is a link. Dealing with lots of this sort of behavior, stonewalling manipulation, one upsmanship, verbal aggression in my husbands work space as he is destabilizing the hierarchy in his team.
Advice on resolving bullying, manipulation that arises from dominance disputes?
HELP. THANKS!
Thanks for posting. Very thought provoking