Thank you for everything you do, Rob! I live in New York City and would have loved to attend this interview/event. I would especially love to hear more about the cost of upward mobility to people who are not born into it.
“But when I was at the wedding—so yeah, her dad was there, my former adoptive father—and it was weird because I had just written this book, and I had all these memories swirling in my mind. Then I see him, and it was this moment of—I see him physically for the first time, and it might have been 15 years since the last time I saw him.
And now he's just a small old man. I'm taller than him. Time passes by, and just physically seeing him made me—I don't want to say forgive him, but I just felt like, oh, he's a flawed human being who probably went through a lot of his own issues himself.”
—Bravo, very mature and detached. So proud of who you’ve become!
With respect to nature vs nurture, I have my own theory that "privilege" should be considered these three things on a spectrum... 3 "Ps".
Parental - What level of love, attention, resources, assistance, discipline, guidance, support, stability, etc.?
Personal - Biological/genetic behavior tendencies, intelligence, health, attractiveness, innate talents and capabilities, drive and determination, etc.?
Path - Somewhat influenced by the previous and why parental resources and innate capability are probably more impactful, but not always. What challenges and opportunities presented themselves and how did they influence success of outcomes?
I have old high school friends from upper class stable married parents that are dead from poor life choices. I came from a bad divorce situation and a tyrant new stepfather, and yet I have done well. I do think that I might have done better or done well earlier had my parental thing been better; but then again who knows? My path was my path, and it could have been different with different circumstances. I thought I should be a A student but was largely a B student... but turns out I had an autoimmune issue where certain foods would cause symptoms like brain fog. I did not figure that out until I was 22 and then dominated my undergraduate and graduate classmates and also saw my corporate career skyrocket. I was privileged with a lot of drive and determination and a lot of natural athletic capability, and that certainly helped my power through what was a pretty crappy time from age 11-18 where my home life was a constant fight with my stepfather that demanded to be both the father and the new oldest child (his childhood was terrible and he had the misfortune of also being an insecure and needy type that, even to this day, carves a mother to provide him the unconditional love that he never got as a child).
I just think this mix of things is what shows up as the full explanation of success outcomes. Strength in one area over another can help overcome, but not always. The most privileged are those lucky in life to have all three.
However, it does seem to me that parental quality is the most important. Kids that lack innate capability or have behavior issues will often develop to a point where the lessons of their good parenting kick in and they find a path to happiness and success.
I will take Dr Drew’s suggestion and re-read—thanks to him snd to you for this conversation which plumbs new depths.
Thank you for everything you do, Rob! I live in New York City and would have loved to attend this interview/event. I would especially love to hear more about the cost of upward mobility to people who are not born into it.
I loved this interview but I’m not certain the title about the cost of moving up fits.
Regardless, thank you
“But when I was at the wedding—so yeah, her dad was there, my former adoptive father—and it was weird because I had just written this book, and I had all these memories swirling in my mind. Then I see him, and it was this moment of—I see him physically for the first time, and it might have been 15 years since the last time I saw him.
And now he's just a small old man. I'm taller than him. Time passes by, and just physically seeing him made me—I don't want to say forgive him, but I just felt like, oh, he's a flawed human being who probably went through a lot of his own issues himself.”
—Bravo, very mature and detached. So proud of who you’ve become!
Reading the part about how those in academic institutions may still buy into blank slate thinking is absolutely baffling.
Fond memories. It was an honor to attend in person. :)
With respect to nature vs nurture, I have my own theory that "privilege" should be considered these three things on a spectrum... 3 "Ps".
Parental - What level of love, attention, resources, assistance, discipline, guidance, support, stability, etc.?
Personal - Biological/genetic behavior tendencies, intelligence, health, attractiveness, innate talents and capabilities, drive and determination, etc.?
Path - Somewhat influenced by the previous and why parental resources and innate capability are probably more impactful, but not always. What challenges and opportunities presented themselves and how did they influence success of outcomes?
I have old high school friends from upper class stable married parents that are dead from poor life choices. I came from a bad divorce situation and a tyrant new stepfather, and yet I have done well. I do think that I might have done better or done well earlier had my parental thing been better; but then again who knows? My path was my path, and it could have been different with different circumstances. I thought I should be a A student but was largely a B student... but turns out I had an autoimmune issue where certain foods would cause symptoms like brain fog. I did not figure that out until I was 22 and then dominated my undergraduate and graduate classmates and also saw my corporate career skyrocket. I was privileged with a lot of drive and determination and a lot of natural athletic capability, and that certainly helped my power through what was a pretty crappy time from age 11-18 where my home life was a constant fight with my stepfather that demanded to be both the father and the new oldest child (his childhood was terrible and he had the misfortune of also being an insecure and needy type that, even to this day, carves a mother to provide him the unconditional love that he never got as a child).
I just think this mix of things is what shows up as the full explanation of success outcomes. Strength in one area over another can help overcome, but not always. The most privileged are those lucky in life to have all three.
However, it does seem to me that parental quality is the most important. Kids that lack innate capability or have behavior issues will often develop to a point where the lessons of their good parenting kick in and they find a path to happiness and success.