Two-Parent Families Are More Important Than College
My NY Post interview, dating advice, book reviews, and final call for my reading list
You can now read my interview in the New York Post. Many thanks to Rikki Schlott for her thoughtful questions, and photographer John Nguyen for the images. Here’s a portion:
You argue that educated people tend to overemphasize education as a fix-all for underprivileged kids. Why is that?
People involved in policy and shaping culture focus on education as the primary means of upward social mobility.
One of the points I try to make in the book is that yes, education is important.
It worked for me.
But it doesn’t necessarily work for everyone.
Even though I was always academically inclined, the level of disorder in my life was weighing me down so much that I wasn’t in a position to fully exploit my own capabilities.
I’d like us to focus more on what happens before age 18 than after.
We’re so focused on, ‘Ok, they graduate high school. Do they go to college or not? And do they graduate from college?’ I argue that, through childhood and adolescence, we have to focus more on, ‘Are these kids being looked out for? Are they being nurtured? Do they have this sort of security and adequate care in order for them to achieve the things that we would like them to achieve?’
[…]
How do you think we can work towards closing the gap between the intellectual elite class and the rest of the public?
We should be skeptical of the people who claim to speak on behalf of these communities.
Instead of looking to self proclaimed leaders of various marginalized and dispossessed groups, we need to actually ask those groups themselves.
It’s worth collecting data, looking at surveys, speaking with people — not just community leaders and activists who have their own agendas.
I saw this at Yale where someone who shares the characteristics of a historically mistreated group would claim to speak on behalf of them, but they had very little in common with them other than the way that they looked.
I want people to be a bit more skeptical of the self-proclaimed activist leaders who could be trying to push an agenda, trying to elicit sympathy, and trying to exploit people’s concerns
Read the whole thing here.
Just a note that the article states that I attended Yale “via their ROTC program,” which is incorrect. I attended Yale via the GI Bill, which is a separate thing. ROTC (Reserve Officers' Training Corps) is a program for college students who graduate and then go on to serve as military officers. In contrast, the GI Bill covers college expenses for veterans who have already served and received honorable discharges from their duties.
To be clear, as I’ve written before, I’m well aware that there are situations in which divorce makes sense. Abuse, mistreatment, truly irreconcilable differences, and so on. Most divorces, though, are the result of low-conflict disputes. And most single parent families are not the result of divorce, but rather deadbeat dads. People say we shouldn’t shame single moms, that they are doing the best they can. I generally agree. I was, for a time, raised by a single mother. I am perfectly at ease, though, with saying we can shame absentee fathers.
Washington, D.C. book event:
I’m doing a book event at the American Enterprise Institute (AEI) in Washington, D.C. on February 27 at 11am.
I’ll be on stage with author and psychiatrist Dr. Sally Satel and journalist Naomi Schaefer Riley (you can read her recent review of my book in Commentary here).
I’d love to see as many readers there as possible.
Two new reviews of my book:
The New Statesman: The making of an American conservative by Pippa Bailey (ungated here)
Excerpt: “Troubled is full of stories about underage drinking, fighting, vandalism, weed, meth and prescription drugs...Henderson recounts all this in matter-of-fact prose, which, far from stripping his tumultuous tale of emotional impact, makes it more shocking.”
The Washington Examiner: Why luxury beliefs should trouble us all by Conn Carroll
Excerpt: “Rob Henderson’s Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class is a difficult read. For the first four chapters of the book, you want to reach through the pages, back in time, hug a small abandoned boy, and tell him everything is going to be OK. Then, for the next two chapters, you just want to slap him as he recklessly endangers himself and others.”
Dating tips
You can read my advice in this Valentine’s edition of The Free Press:
1. Take care of your health, fitness, and personal hygiene. It sounds obvious. But a surprisingly large segment of the population—especially the male side—is now run down by drugs, obesity, and other effects of a permissive physical life. Ignore Instagram and observe what real people look like now. All you have to do is exercise regularly, get a decent haircut, and wear clothes that fit to enter the top 10 percent of physical attractiveness.
2. If you’re a guy, go ahead and pay. Researchers recently surveyed 552 heterosexual college students and found that young men paid for all or most of the dates around 90 percent of the time. On average, both men and women in the sample expected the man to pay. If, on a first date, the check arrives and there’s any awkwardness, just say, “Let me get this. You can get the next one.”
3. Stop listening to attention-seeking weirdos on TikTok, X, and YouTube. You wouldn’t take business advice from people who have failed in business, but you regularly see romantic failures amass a following on social media platforms by dispensing inept dating advice. Relatedly, make sure you know what you’re optimizing for. If you’re seeking a committed monogamous relationship, ignore the influencer living in a polycule who shows you only a small slice of his or her life.
Today is the final day to get access to my reading list
I’ve spent several months compiling a list of the most interesting and impactful books I’ve ever read.
The list contains my mini-reviews summarizing each book and explaining its importance.
If you are interested in getting my reading list, just follow these two steps:
1. Pre-order a copy of Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class in whatever format you want (print, ebook, or audiobook)
2. Forward your receipt or proof of purchase to the email address troubledmemoir@gmail.com
Already purchased a copy? Just send your receipt or proof of purchase to troubledmemoir@gmail.com and you’ll get the secret reading list right away
Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class is out tomorrow.
Audible (I narrated the audiobook myself)
Yesterday, though, a follower at a Barnes & Noble sent me this:
“Two-Parent Families Are More Important Than College.” Fantastic title! Thank you.
“I want people to be a bit more skeptical of the self-proclaimed activist leaders who could be trying to push an agenda, trying to elicit sympathy, and trying to exploit people’s concerns.”
Bingo. The role of professional activist should generally be considered as becoming harmful to the very cause it claims to fight for. The “Shirky Principle”
“I am perfectly at ease, though, with saying we can shame absentee fathers.”
I’m not. The divorce system is stacked against fathers. I’m sorry, but with many friends and family that divorced, the mother was a raging covert narcissist bent on retribution and the courts generally support that type of behavior. I see many fathers that want a better relationship with their kids but for this constant hostility from their ex. Often they are made destitute with alimony and childcare awards from the courts.
Changes to the economy have also not helped. When fathers cannot provide for their family, it destroys their self-worth and they check out. Lastly, we live in a time of man-shaming and female hero worship. Fathers feel it as a sense of not being valued. That is reinforced.
For strong father involvement after divorce, generally it is up to the mother to help make it happen.