You reason with your two-year old, even though you do not expect it to work because the lesson "reasonable people try to reason their way through conflict" is near infinitely valuable, while "the weaker must submit to the stronger" is one you want to discourage.
Thanks for this. Of course I was thinking of our politics and what emotion exists for the leadership and membership of Democratic Party to call Elon Must a Nazi for his charitable work to help reduce fraud, waste and abuse in our Federal government, and to stop it from going bankrupt?
Increibly useful summary and categorization of often-conflated emotions. A new direction for your work, from status, prestige and dominance? Greatly looking forward to seeing more.
I have always considered that the inability to compartmentalize and rationalize emotions, especially negative emotions like anger and hate, a sign of an underdeveloped human. Or said another way, being able to compartmentalize emotions and not behave as an emotional reactionary, is a sign of a well-developed human.
For me, it is like a two-step process that I trained myself in. It is like stopping to inventory my keys in my pocket for shutting and locking the car, or to check for my cell phone before leaving for work.
I feel like anyone else. The burn of anger for being disrespected. But then I pause and breathe and think about the position of the common imperfect person that delivered the words or actions that stung. I think about what my rational response or reaction should be. Sometimes I fail and let my emotions get the best of me, but I am always a work in progress to do the emotional-to-rational two-step.
I think our population does only the one-step. It is disappointing.
I've seen how effective displays of anger can be after fifty years of working with women fleeing male violence. The control it provides to those with more physical strength and more resources is godlike. Women will go to great lengths to placate and mollify an angry husband, father or boyfriend, such is the power of coercive control. It's a very effective emotional display, and is self reinforcing, but sometimes carried too far, resulting in approximately five thousand deaths a year. Apologies might be effective in other situations, but apologies that are phrased "I'm sorry you FEEL that way." often incur more anger.
I understand that there's a place for anger and this emotion can be helpful. But we need to acknowledge emotional regulation. The people I respect know how to control their anger and are less likely to get angry. This emotional regulation of a mark of maturity. Isn't your anger response a reflection of what's going on inside of you? What's inside of you will come out when you're bumped. If you're full of negative emotions, that will spill out when someone insults you. And emotionally healthy people don't tolerate anger outbursts, so there must be a disincentive to use anger to get what you want.
Another excellent post. Especially fascinating about anger vs hatred. Anger it seems to me also helps neutralize fear. I don’t know how you’d test that though
"Research indicates that angry men often express their displeasure through direct threats of aggression, while angry women are more likely to withdraw emotionally or socially. This difference makes sense given that women are more physically vulnerable than men and directly expressing anger would have historically been riskier for them."
I have been ruminating about this point all day... thinking about the "resistance" movement that started after Trump was elected in 2016 and is continuing again after the 2024 election. Thinking about the Floyd riots, ANTIFA riots, the destruction of Teslas... all of it that signals to many of us that the state of American political behavior has taken a very hard turn into the gutter.
It seems to me that what is occurring is females feeling empowered to speak out and loudly about what they oppose but stopping short of any direct confrontation or conflict resolution... and instead moving to this evolutionary impulse to withdrawal... until they collect and collude for a mob passive aggressive move to destroy the people that have caused them such resentment anger and hate for failing to give them what they want.
Think about it... the full-on strategy and energy of the female-dominated Democrat party is one of resistance, protest... and negative branding of anyone that stands in their way... including any that were considered supportive allies that then delivered any criticism.
They don't welcome free speech. They don't go to places where others have a difference of opinion so they can debate. They go to "safe spaces". X is "toxic" so run to BlueSky.com.
It seems that what is breaking society... the shift to educated female power dominating much of society, before humans have evolved to know how to handle that power shift.
Feminists demanded equal power with males, but then they get it and revert back to the vulnerable narcissism behavior that is frankly untrustworthy and mean. They claim men are brutes that they are the caring, thoughtful gender that should rule the world. But men are overt in their anger and seek immediate and direct resolution. It is easy to see... and easy to trust.
Either females in power need to learn how to do the same... how to stand up and debate a rational, fact-based argument to win the conflict... or get the hell out of politics because they are not evolutionarily ready and are making a mess out of things.
The definition of love hits a high mark and it is the highlight of this great article.
On the other hand, I would add that, many times "anger" is based on recognizing previous conditions where the offender either got away with the offense, is replicating the previous condition, or has exhibited a pattern that becomes an emotional button.
Also, sometimes the offender was forgiven for an unacceptable behavior, enjoys the deferred justice, and, due to other psychological problems, generates a new environment for a conflict.
The most interesting cases are of the passive-aggressive people who enjoy and thrive by getting another person angry. I think that such an aspect was described in one of Rob's articles written a year or so ago.
Reading this I am reminded that anger is indeed an emotion, and that a number of self inflicted wounds could have been avoided by keeping this and all emotions from driving the "bus".
You reason with your two-year old, even though you do not expect it to work because the lesson "reasonable people try to reason their way through conflict" is near infinitely valuable, while "the weaker must submit to the stronger" is one you want to discourage.
Have you actually been a parent?
But Rob sometimes punching my dishwasher makes it work!
Thanks for this. Of course I was thinking of our politics and what emotion exists for the leadership and membership of Democratic Party to call Elon Must a Nazi for his charitable work to help reduce fraud, waste and abuse in our Federal government, and to stop it from going bankrupt?
Increibly useful summary and categorization of often-conflated emotions. A new direction for your work, from status, prestige and dominance? Greatly looking forward to seeing more.
I have always considered that the inability to compartmentalize and rationalize emotions, especially negative emotions like anger and hate, a sign of an underdeveloped human. Or said another way, being able to compartmentalize emotions and not behave as an emotional reactionary, is a sign of a well-developed human.
For me, it is like a two-step process that I trained myself in. It is like stopping to inventory my keys in my pocket for shutting and locking the car, or to check for my cell phone before leaving for work.
I feel like anyone else. The burn of anger for being disrespected. But then I pause and breathe and think about the position of the common imperfect person that delivered the words or actions that stung. I think about what my rational response or reaction should be. Sometimes I fail and let my emotions get the best of me, but I am always a work in progress to do the emotional-to-rational two-step.
I think our population does only the one-step. It is disappointing.
I've seen how effective displays of anger can be after fifty years of working with women fleeing male violence. The control it provides to those with more physical strength and more resources is godlike. Women will go to great lengths to placate and mollify an angry husband, father or boyfriend, such is the power of coercive control. It's a very effective emotional display, and is self reinforcing, but sometimes carried too far, resulting in approximately five thousand deaths a year. Apologies might be effective in other situations, but apologies that are phrased "I'm sorry you FEEL that way." often incur more anger.
Aren’t they afraid of the possibility of getting hurt physically and not just anger per se?
P.S. Make use of the apology in your relationships— it’s free and easy
Just make sure to hold others accountable to the same standards for apologies…
I also think we hate what we are afraid of.
Lack of knowledge about the subject or person/people group will cause us to have a big reactivity ..... hate for them or the subject.
I understand that there's a place for anger and this emotion can be helpful. But we need to acknowledge emotional regulation. The people I respect know how to control their anger and are less likely to get angry. This emotional regulation of a mark of maturity. Isn't your anger response a reflection of what's going on inside of you? What's inside of you will come out when you're bumped. If you're full of negative emotions, that will spill out when someone insults you. And emotionally healthy people don't tolerate anger outbursts, so there must be a disincentive to use anger to get what you want.
Another excellent post. Especially fascinating about anger vs hatred. Anger it seems to me also helps neutralize fear. I don’t know how you’d test that though
"Research indicates that angry men often express their displeasure through direct threats of aggression, while angry women are more likely to withdraw emotionally or socially. This difference makes sense given that women are more physically vulnerable than men and directly expressing anger would have historically been riskier for them."
I have been ruminating about this point all day... thinking about the "resistance" movement that started after Trump was elected in 2016 and is continuing again after the 2024 election. Thinking about the Floyd riots, ANTIFA riots, the destruction of Teslas... all of it that signals to many of us that the state of American political behavior has taken a very hard turn into the gutter.
It seems to me that what is occurring is females feeling empowered to speak out and loudly about what they oppose but stopping short of any direct confrontation or conflict resolution... and instead moving to this evolutionary impulse to withdrawal... until they collect and collude for a mob passive aggressive move to destroy the people that have caused them such resentment anger and hate for failing to give them what they want.
Think about it... the full-on strategy and energy of the female-dominated Democrat party is one of resistance, protest... and negative branding of anyone that stands in their way... including any that were considered supportive allies that then delivered any criticism.
They don't welcome free speech. They don't go to places where others have a difference of opinion so they can debate. They go to "safe spaces". X is "toxic" so run to BlueSky.com.
It seems that what is breaking society... the shift to educated female power dominating much of society, before humans have evolved to know how to handle that power shift.
Feminists demanded equal power with males, but then they get it and revert back to the vulnerable narcissism behavior that is frankly untrustworthy and mean. They claim men are brutes that they are the caring, thoughtful gender that should rule the world. But men are overt in their anger and seek immediate and direct resolution. It is easy to see... and easy to trust.
Either females in power need to learn how to do the same... how to stand up and debate a rational, fact-based argument to win the conflict... or get the hell out of politics because they are not evolutionarily ready and are making a mess out of things.
The definition of love hits a high mark and it is the highlight of this great article.
On the other hand, I would add that, many times "anger" is based on recognizing previous conditions where the offender either got away with the offense, is replicating the previous condition, or has exhibited a pattern that becomes an emotional button.
Also, sometimes the offender was forgiven for an unacceptable behavior, enjoys the deferred justice, and, due to other psychological problems, generates a new environment for a conflict.
The most interesting cases are of the passive-aggressive people who enjoy and thrive by getting another person angry. I think that such an aspect was described in one of Rob's articles written a year or so ago.
Reading this I am reminded that anger is indeed an emotion, and that a number of self inflicted wounds could have been avoided by keeping this and all emotions from driving the "bus".
Very informative. Thank you.
That monkey picture kinda looks like the Trump mug shot. Just me?