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Meghan Bell's avatar

This is one of your stronger essays of late -- the sort of stuff I subscribed to you for.

I'm from a new-money and very complicated family (7/8 biological great-grandparents were working class or grew up in poverty, mother was the result of a teen pregnancy by my working-class Irish grandmother and my grandfather, who was born into poverty in Calabria and raised in poverty in a small town in Canada, and most certainly treated as "other", not white -- and my father's mother, the half-WASP, turned out to not be fully white either via her working-class father -- which was phenotypically apparent).

My mom's adoptive parents were a WASP mother from a downwardly mobile family and another poor Southern Italian immigrant, who eloped against her racist and classist parents wishes and were disowned by them. My adoptive grandfather started a business and by the time they adopted my mom they were well-off. My dad worked for my grandfather and turned the business from a small one into a 8-figure one over my childhood (edit: actually I think it's low 9 figures now, but I'm in my thirties -- and no, I don't have a trust fund, never did).

No one in my family really fits in with WASP culture, rich-people culture, whatever you want to call it. My adoptive grandfather didn't finish high school, and wasn't seen as white in a very white affluent neighbourhood. My mom was acutely aware of and insecure of her differences. My dad was a university drop-out.

I don't think you can ever fit in, even after a few generations. Anyway, I'm downwardly mobile, my husband grew up poor with a single mom and while he has a good job, he's nothing like my workaholic father (I'm much more comfortable with working and middle-class folks and other ethnics so this works for me). I had the grades for an Ivy league, but honestly thought it seemed terrible and I had the privilege to opt out.

The world depicted The Great Gatsby always seemed like pure hell to me. Fitzgerald was a genius.

I went to an affluent high school. I was one of the only kids not wearing designer clothes or driving a new car (still had a car!). I was teased for being "poor" (and after Jersey Shore came out, Italian lol) even though I clearly wasn't.

It's all a load of crap. Seriously, if you came from nothing and have the smarts to be successful, go get yours, but why would you want to be like old money?

Anyway, my caution to you is, because I've seen this in new money -- if you marry and become a parent, do not resent or show contempt to your own child(ren) for growing up with privileges and connections you didn't have. Your kids will not have the same opportunity to be "self-made" in the same way you did, even if they choose an entirely different field and prove themselves in it. But they also won't ever be "old money" in the same way as many Ivy league attendees.

And that's okay.

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Andrea Dustin's avatar

I loved reading this essay especially because I fell into the category of “required reading” and glossed over the finer points you expounded upon. My idiot teenage brain was just upset that Gatsby and Daisy weren’t end game.

If you decide to do these in the future, let us know the book in advance. I would love to read a book and then hear your thoughts on it. Sort of like a book club.

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