Some topics I discuss in this latest installment of Rob Henderson’s Office Hours:
Matt Ridley’s The Red Queen is one of my favorite books on evolutionary psychology. Even though it came out in the early '90s, about 70% still holds up. That’s the nature of ambitious nonfiction—some of it won’t age well, but it’s worth it for the ideas that do.
Discussing my recent post “Is It Ever Okay to Ask a Woman for Her Phone Number?”
Revisited something I wrote a year ago about the Bumble founder's idea that AI avatars might date each other before real humans meet. Sounds clever. But it's a misunderstanding of how connection works—often the best relationships are the ones that break your checklist.
Oxford anthropologist Anna Machin notes that women can literally smell genetic incompatibility through something called the MHC. Apparently that "something's off" feeling might have a biochemical basis. Men don’t have this ability. Evolution doesn't give everyone the same tools.
The THC in marijuana has increased by over 300% since the mid-'90s. It’s not the same drug anymore. Weed used to be like light beer. Now it’s closer to hard liquor.
I tell a story from my teenage days as a dishwasher
Decriminalizing drugs might sound compassionate, but for people already on the margins, it can push them off the edge. Strong drugs + fragile lives = collapse. That’s why I’ve argued drug decriminalization is often a luxury belief—embraced by elites who don’t bear the consequences. Of course, poor and marginalized people will always suffer disproportionate harm regardless of whatever policies and social trends arise. The question of harm is how much and what kind.
Seth Stephens-Davidowitz's book Everybody Lies includes a linguistic study showing how women use expressive elongation—like “sooooo” or “groooooss”—way more than men. It’s one of the most feminine markers in text-based communication.
Research consistently finds that the more successful a woman becomes, the less likely she is to "date down." Her standards rise with her status. It’s not snobbery—it’s a deeply rooted pattern in mating psychology.
Today, you can afford to be single forever. In that way, being alone is a sign of wealth—you don’t need a partner to survive anymore.
Speculating on what percentage of males are shy and withdrawn versus outwardly bold and confident.
Even in the most modern, progressive societies, marriage proposals almost always come from men. As Ridley points out in The Red Queen, if culture were the only factor influencing sex differences, we'd have some examples of women-led marriage proposals across cultures.
Some tips for single people on becoming more attractive
So many cultures developed ritualized ways for people to meet—arranged introductions, matchmakers, family connections. We now expect young people to figure it out alone, without cues or safeguards. That’s historically unprecedented.
Whether it’s ever okay to ask a woman for her phone number
A few thoughts on Thomas Sowell (read my review of his memoir here)
A commenter asked why women often drop subtle hints rather than state things directly to a guy they like. Part of it is a screening mechanism. Picking up on subtle cues is a kind of social awareness test. If he can’t detect them, he might not be the one.
How high-status people can “countersignal”—they can get away with being casual or self-deprecating because they’ve already proven themselves. Often their lifestyle or advice doesn’t work for regular people.
When successful people say “just be yourself,” they often forget that being themselves comes with fame, wealth, or social capital. That advice doesn’t help a shy young guy trying to get his first date.
I answer a question about whether young guys today are more fearful of asking women out than a decade ago.
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